Thank God: ‘America’s Dad’ Tom Hanks Reassures Lefty Babies America Will Be OK, Sings Schoolhouse Rock Song

Posted by on Nov 16, 2016 at 10:27 am
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Apparently one thing we’ve discovered post-election is about half the nation are infants and they need a daddy to make them feel better. They’re even pacified with a children’s song.

Honestly, these people are beyond parody.

Like a warm sweater or hot chocolate with marshmallows, there’s not much out there quite as comforting as Tom Hanks, who has earned (and mocked) his title of America’s Dad lately. And he was there for us Tuesday night, reassuring the parts of the country who were appalled by Donald Trump’s presidential win.

Vulture reports that Hanks was speaking at a tribute to his career at the Museum of Modern Art in New York, and took the time to talk about the election. He argued that America was going to be just fine, buddy, and is just going through a phase, so let it be, OK?

“We are going to be all right. America has been in worst places than we are at right now,” Hanks said. “In my own lifetime, our streets were in chaos, our generations were fighting each other tooth and nail, and every dinner table ended up being as close to a fist fight as our families would allow.”

Newsflash: Yes, liberals have been dividing America for decades. So none of this is actually new.

But Hanks said that because of the Constitution, America will get through pretty much anything. He then even sang parts of the preamble, à la Schoolhouse Rock. This may have been the biggest dad move of all.

Seriously, folks, this isn’t The Onion. Some idiots even want him to run for president now, because the current celebrity president has been such a rousing success that he’s brought us Donald Trump.

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One Response to “Thank God: ‘America’s Dad’ Tom Hanks Reassures Lefty Babies America Will Be OK, Sings Schoolhouse Rock Song”

  1. Gorrest Fump on 16/16/16 at 1:02 pm

    Elections are like a box of chocolates…you never know what you’re gonna get.