America is Already Great Again: Hollywood Nitwits, Other Celebutards Melt Down After Trump Victory

Posted by on Nov 09, 2016 at 7:34 am

We weren’t even Trump supporters, but he won fair and square so congratulations to him and all of those who said it could be done. Now. let’s nourish ourselves on the salty tears of the Clinton  supporters. They were so smug and self-righteous leading up to election day, so let us all enjoy their pain.

Around 10 p.m., Hollywood stars began to panic. Hillary Clinton wasn’t as far ahead as they had expected her to be. In fact, the race was far from a landslide. Reflecting the anxiety of the Tinsel Town set, actress Mia Farrow re-tweeted a NYT poll showing that, as of 9:40 pm, Trump had a 55-percent chance of winning the election. As a comment on the tweet, she simply posted: “Xanax.”

Several celebrities indicated suffering physical symptoms. Funny or Die comedian and actor Billy Eichner posted: “Still feeling confident but about to throw up.” After tweeting “And Trump has closed a wide gap in North Carolina. Another shot, please,” Dan Savage commented “I’m going to puke.” Later in the evening, he intimated that death would come as sweet relief in the event of a Trump presidency. “Colorado approves assisted suicide,” he noted about an article from a local Colorado news outlet. “That’s going to come in handy.”

Model Emily Ratajkowski tweeted “Ok I’m getting really nervous,” while Khloe Kardashian expressed her view that “it shouldn’t be this close.” Singer Mandy Moore was flummoxed. “I am absolutely beside myself right now. I can’t believe the way this thing has turned. Trying to remain hopeful but geez louise.”

The Hollywood Reporter writer Lacey Rose declared “So. Much. Anxiety.” Comedian Sarah Silverman seemed to despair further. “Someone give me hope,” she pleaded. Rapper/Singer and Hamilton star Lin Manual Miranda tried to calm the bunch. “Breathe,” he wrote above an attached picture with the words: “We will survive.”

Ellen producer Andy Lassner, as a representative for the crowd planning a Northern exodus, tweeted: “I’m on hold with @AirCanada.” Apparently, Canada’s immigration site crashed around 8 pm.

And that was all before the race was called. Once that happened we had this, and it’s glorious:

It’s never that they had a flawed candidate, it’s someone else’s fault:

We’ve gone from zero to Hitler in just a couple of tweets:

Others can’t sleep yet:

We imagine even Trump supporters would volunteer to rock her to sleep. This tweet from the other day hasn’t aged well:

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