The chaos of a de Blasio presidency

Posted by on May 18, 2015 at 7:37 am

I see a future of sky-high taxes and very tall ceilings. Of a chicken in every pot and a pot plant in every planter.

Fat cats would be incarcerated en masse for the criminal possession of money. And thugs who shoot, maim and steal would be reclassified as victims of wage inequality, in need of high-paying jobs, welfare benefits, affordable housing, therapy, hugs or deep-tissue massages.

Cops would replace their badges and aggressive blue uniforms with soothing earth-tone windbreakers and espadrilles, and trade in their guns for thick-skinned yellow fruit.

Bananas don’t kill people. People kill people.

And with burger-flippers taking home a minimum hourly wage of $125, McDonald’s would go out of business. Young people who rely on minimum-wage jobs for a toehold in the workforce would be flung into unemployment lines and onto the streets. No worries. In the new world order, drug-selling would be decriminalized, registered as taxable small businesses in a society in which alarm clocks would cease to be manufactured.

These fantasies are closer to reality than one might think. This could be a rough sketch of the United States of Amerika under the notoriously oversleeping President Bill de Blasio and his hands-on first lady and co-president, Chirlane McCray.

The vice president? Al Sharpton.

The attorney general? Rachel Noerd­linger, McCray’s former chief- of-staff, who bashed the media — which would be outlawed as propaganda is fed directly from the government to the public — for daring to report that she lives with a cop-bashing felon boyfriend and that her teen son was busted for trespassing in a known drug-buying location.

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One Response to “The chaos of a de Blasio presidency”

  1. Sarcaster on 21/21/15 at 11:53 pm

    Good thing we have turkey neck hairlip Bitch McConnell and bartender (clink clink *fizzz*) Johnny Boner to save the republic.