Not Weird at All: Bill Clinton Says Pantsuit Will Get Two Million Sympathy Votes If He Croaks During Campaign

Posted by on Jun 29, 2014 at 9:19 am

Even in death he’s a political opportunist.

“I’m worried how my health will affect your campaign,” he said. “I have to do all I can to prepare the campaign playbooks, but I also have to accept the fact that if I fall by the wayside, you have to continue without me and make a positive thing out of it.”

“A positive thing?” Hillary said. “What the hell are you talking about?”

“Obviously, you have to have a big state funeral for me, with as much pomp and circumstance as possible,” he said. “I’m thinking maybe I should be buried at Arlington [National Cemetery] rather than at my library in Little Rock. After all, I was commander in chief for eight years and have every right to be buried at Arlington.”

“Bill!” Hillary said, trying to interrupt his train of thought.

“I’m going to plan this thing out in detail,” he said.

“I don’t want to hear this!” Hillary said.

Wear your widow’s weeds, so people will feel sympathy for you. Wear black for a decent mourning period and make my death an asset. The images on television of the ­funeral and the grieving widow in black will be priceless.

“When I’m gone, people will think only of my good points and forgive, if not forget, the bad. I’ll be remembered in a positive light more in death than I was in life. That always happens. Everybody knows that. So you’ll have to take maximum advantage of my death.”

“Bill…,” Hillary said.

“It should be worth a couple of million votes,” he said.

Another positive: She can then start dating again!

Tags: ,

7 Responses to “Not Weird at All: Bill Clinton Says Pantsuit Will Get Two Million Sympathy Votes If He Croaks During Campaign”

  1. Arnonerik on 29/29/14 at 10:53 am

    If she actually thought his death would get her elected she would have one of her lackeys proceed with “extreme prejudice”. She would probably be very pleased that it was the last time she had to “ride his coattails'” (read hearse) to achieve her goal.

  2. Pervy Grin on 30/30/14 at 10:22 am

    “Another positive: She can then start dating again!”

    Yes, Huma can dump Weiner and she and Hillary! can finally come out of the closet together.

  3. looking closely on 30/30/14 at 11:19 am

    >>She can then start dating again!

    Seriously, why would she need to wait? If she wants to “date” she can do so right now. Its not like being married to HER has stopped her husband from “dating”.

    Anyway, this exchange, I think, is more enlightening, not about Bill’s political opportunism (presumably he’s not going to be running for elected office in the afterlife), but rather his pure narcissism.

    Apparently, even when he’s dead its all about him.

  4. Texas Zombie on 30/30/14 at 12:14 pm

    There’s no way this is a real conversation. No way these are verbatim quotes. This has to be satire, right? Right?

  5. cool arrow on 30/30/14 at 2:57 pm

    Actually it wouldn’t surprise me in the slightest if that was part of the deal they made when they put together their (you should pardon the expression) “marriage.”