My Commencement Speech to Rutgers’ Geniuses: Go Forth and Fail

Posted by on May 20, 2014 at 9:49 pm

Here Is What I Would Tell the Rutgers Graduating Class of 2014

I hear Condoleezza Rice stood you up. You may think it was because about 50 students—.09 percent of your student body—held a “sit-in” at the university president’s office to protest the selection of Secretary Rice as commencement speaker. You may think it was because a few of your faculty—stale flakes from the crust of the turkey pot pie that was the New Left—threatened a “teach-in” to protest the selection of Secretary Rice.

“Sit-in”? “Teach-in”? What century is this?

I think Secretary Rice forgot she had a yoga session scheduled for today.

It’s shame she was busy. You might have heard something useful from a person who grew up poor in Jim Crow Alabama. Who lost a friend and playmate in 1963 when white supremacists bombed Birmingham’s Sixteenth Street Baptist Church. Who became an accomplished concert pianist before she tuned her ear to the more dissonant chords of international relations.

Secretary Rice was Phi Beta Kappa at the University of Denver and received a B.A. cum laude in political science—back before the worst grade a student had ever heard of was a B-.

The professor who influenced her most was Josef Korbel, Secretary of State Madeleine Albright’s father.

Secretary Albright and Secretary Rice don’t agree on much about international relations. But they don’t sit-in or teach-in at each other’s public appearances.

Full story.

One Response to “My Commencement Speech to Rutgers’ Geniuses: Go Forth and Fail”

  1. Rules for RATicals on 29/29/14 at 5:08 pm

    Commencement speeches are not needed for people who know everything. All good comrades from Marxist University receive a copy of Das Kapital, Mao’s Little Red Book and a bookmark placemat copy of the communist manifesto and therefore know everything there is to know about being winnarz and the bestests evarz.