Hysterical Barrage of Democrat Emails: PUMMELED, MAJOR Problem, TRAGIC Conclusion, Terrible News, we. will. fail, Brush Your Teeth

Posted by on Oct 01, 2014 at 9:52 am

That’s a sampling of emails from the deranged Democrats, all just last evening. First, Al Franken asks if we brushed our teeth. Yes, really.

Dear Jammie,

It’s getting late. The dog looks like he’s having one of those dreams where he’s chasing a ball. You’re heading to bed, and you’ve checked every box on your pre-bedtime to-do list.

Or have you? Did you brush your teeth? Wait — you didn’t forget to contribute $5 toward our FEC filing deadline goal, did you?

Sorry, forgot. To contribute, that is. My teeth and breath are minty fresh. That missive arrived at 7:25 pm. Five minutes later:

We will fail to hit our goal tonight.
Jammie, we’ve tried everything.
— President Obama has emailed you.
— Hillary Clinton has emailed you.
— I’ve emailed you more than I can count.
But with this new Republican outside spending, we’ll still need 28,OOO more online donations to be able to compete.
It’s hard to see that happening with just 4 hours until the deadline.
Just over an hour later came the Terrible News:
We just got some upsetting (ok, TERRIBLE) news…
Boehner’s getting a HUGE boost from his billionaire backers. Roll Call just reported that Republican outside groups are spending $12 million MORE to attack our campaigns. That’s on top of Boehner’s $6 million ad blitz.
Here’s the good (ok, AMAZING) news:
There’s still some time left to fight back. After President Obama’s call-to-action, a group of Democratic supporters have agreed to TRIPLE-MATCH ALL GIFTS. But the triple-match runs out in less than 4 hours.
Another hour later came the “CANCEL NOTICE,” which we wish they’d actually do:

Jammie — This is your last chance to TRIPLE-MATCH your donation before tonight’s midnight deadline.


There could NOT be a better time to do it:

  • Control of Congress is at stake.
  • The latest polls show we’re in a dead-heat.
  • But we’re getting pummeled with Republican attacks.

That is why President Obama, Hillary Clinton, and Nancy Pelosi have been emailing you. This is an all hands on deck moment. We still need 4 donors from XXXXX  zip code to TRIPLE-MATCH their gift by midnight if we want any chance of victory in the election. Jammie, can you help us out before tonight’s deadline?

Was that really my last chance? Hardly. Next came the TRAGIC conclusion. We wish.

We’ve got nothing left, Jammie:

— Boehner just launched his biggest ad buy yet this week. $6 MILLION in misleading ads against Democrats.
— A new poll shows us in a DEAD HEAT with Boehner’s Republicans.
— If we fall behind now, we will be past the point of no return. We will lose.

Jammie, there’s no time to lose. We need to hit 2OO,OOO donations by MIDNIGHT to turn things around.

If we can do it, it’ll be an epic comeback. But if we fall short, it’ll be a tragic conclusion in our fight to beat Boehner.

Are you in?

Yes, I was in. In bed, that is. Then they announced ‘[BREAKING] (MAJOR problem)’:

Just a few hours ago, we were celebrating the new poll showing Democrats have taken the lead…

…but now we have a MAJOR problem on our hands:

BREAKING NEWS: Boehner boosted by billionaire-backers

Roll Call just reported that Republican outside groups “have reserved nearly $12 million on the television airwaves in competitive races through Election Day.”

Now, we suddenly have 7 different Republican groups trying to tear us down. It’s just awful.

Jammie — we can contain the damage and maintain our lead, but we HAVE to hit 25O,OOO donations to President Obama’s call-to-action. And we have to do it before tonight’s midnight deadline.

So please — stop what you’re doing: This is your LAST chance before midnight to take advantage of this Triple-Match opportunity.

So that was my last opportunity? Not really. Thirteen minutes before midnight, here comes another, titled PUMMELED:

Sep 30 at 11:47 PM

Jammie — This is the last national election of Barack Obama’s presidency.

And right now, we’re getting PUMMELED.

The Koch brothers… Boehner… the corporate interests… everyone’s piling on to defeat us.

Add it all up, and it’s pretty clear at this point: we’re going to fall short tonight.

But we’re not going down without a fight.

In 1 hours, we’ll close the books on the final major fundraising deadline of this campaign. Jammie, if you can chip in right now, we could really use your support.

Sorry, no can do. Exhausted from the hysteria, they actually gave up after that. This nonsense is so shrill even their media enablers have notice.


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6 Responses to “Hysterical Barrage of Democrat Emails: PUMMELED, MAJOR Problem, TRAGIC Conclusion, Terrible News, we. will. fail, Brush Your Teeth”

  1. pure body elite on 1/01/14 at 10:49 am

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  2. Edward Callahan on 2/02/14 at 6:38 pm

    All this is, of course, is preparation to allow Obama to blame the supporters for the democrats resound defeat at the polls come this November. I can hear it now. “If only our people had responded to our pleas for cash…. We warned you all of what was to come.”

    You don’t think he gives a rat’s rear end about the outcome, as long as he’s blamed.

  3. Edward Callahan on 2/02/14 at 6:39 pm

    You don’t think he gives a rat’s rear end about the outcome, as long as he’s NOT blamed.

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