Headline of the Day: ‘Man drove 90 mph with genitals hanging out the window’

Posted by on Apr 10, 2013 at 8:05 am

What makes this extra special is he’s a former politician. Since there’s no mention of party affiliation we’ll assume for now he’s a Democrat.

Three women testified against former Mount Carmel Vice-Mayor William Blakely, graphically recounting times he exposed himself while driving. News Channel 11 had the only reporter in court for Thursday’s preliminary hearing in Kingsport.

“I was scared that I was gonna wreck, he was gonna cause me to wreck,” witness Deborah Sturgill said.

“It seems that every victim would tell the same story. But I knew all the victims did not know each other,” Kingsport Police Detective Terry Christian said.

Personal accounts in Thursday’s testimonies started the same – Blakely allegedly waving to get the drivers’ attention, then escalating to honking and partially crossing over into the drivers lane.

“Waving, grabbed his shirt, kind of pulled it up,” witness Deanna Dykes said.

“After the waving, it turned into a lot of beeping, him grabbing his chest area, and asking me going ‘please, please’ (clasping hands together) with his hands, may I… show me yours,” witness Kelly Street said.

Each witness testified they were fearful Blakely’s driving would cause an accident.

“He was taking his hand, wetting his mouth, and masturbating,” Sturgill said.

“At over 90 miles per hour, he had his penis out [the window]… he was masturbating… and that’s when it got really, really bad. I wouldn’t look over any more, and I wrote his tag number down on my hand, which I believe he noticed, and he exited very quickly,” Street said.

In other news Blakely plans to relocate to New York City and mull a run for the mayor’s office.


15 Responses to “Headline of the Day: ‘Man drove 90 mph with genitals hanging out the window’”

  1. tolbert on 10/10/13 at 8:35 am

    Something sounds fishy. He was driving at the same time he had his genitals hanging out the window while simutaneously masturbating?

    He would have to be some weird combination of Lilia Stepanova and Ron Jeremey to pull that one off.

  2. Frankenstein Government on 10/10/13 at 11:04 am

    We need another law with a catchy phrase.

    “Stay alive, don’t whack off and drive.”

  3. Doc on 10/10/13 at 12:44 pm

    I just want to know which political party this perv belongs to…what? The media isn’t reporting which…OK, then, he must have been a democrat!

  4. Snake Oil Baron on 10/10/13 at 12:52 pm

    I think “hanging out” may be a figure of speech meaning clearly visible. I notice “the window” is in brackets which means it may have been added by the reporter. Without that addition it would read as just “hanging out”.

    I suspect he was bracing his shoulders against the seat back and arching his back to bring his junk to window level and I just threw up in my mouth. Thanks for not including a picture of the guy or his accomplice, Pee-Wee.

  5. Kat on 10/10/13 at 2:00 pm

    Well, that’s certainly not something you see every day. I probably would have snapped a couple of pics ( including this idiots license plate) sent the originals to the cops, and photoshopped the hell out of them for a Tumblr 15 min of Shame. Including ‘shopping in a fainting couch with Joe Biden saying he had “the vapors” ;)

  6. coquimbojoe on 10/10/13 at 7:27 pm

    Ya know, I agree the behavior sounds like a democrat, but really, wouldn’t a speeding masturbater with a giant dong really help the Republicans right now? He sounds like a more reliable person than Graham or McCain, and you gotta admit, he’s got style!