Queen Michelle Goes To War Against Those Fatsos In The Military

Posted by on Feb 09, 2012 at 1:46 pm

News coming out today from Moochelle about how she is going to whip those lardasses in the military in to shape. She is apparently embarrassed by the slovenly appearance they present to the camera. It really does add 10 pounds ‘ya know.

Some quick facts for you first. 1 out of 5 civilians are classified as obese. The rate in the military? 1 out of 20. By some reports about 75% of civilians seeking enlistment are disqualified for not being able to meet the height and weight standards required.

I am sure “fat slob” is the first image that comes to mind when one thinks of our military, but let me impart some learning on youse.

First off, many of my friends while I was serving were classified as overweight. That little bit of information lasted all the way up to the point where they took their shirt off to undergo what was known as a Body Mass Index (BMI) test. The test measures the amount of fat versus muscle. Who knew that muscle bound hulks tend to weigh a little more then us mere mortals?

Second, her menu calls for reducing the available body fat on service members. I have real heartburn with this. I never had to worry about my weight while serving. I was one of those guys who could eat half a mess hall with an order of hashbrowns on the side and swallowing it all down with a chocolate milkshake and the net result was about a gain of half an ounce. Don’t be hating me because of it because it had it’s drawbacks. The biggest one being that doctors would not clear me to attend Ranger school because I did not have enough body fat to survive the course. You see body fat serves some useful purposes like insulating you from the cold thereby making you more resistant to hypothermia and such. It is also what the body consumes to sustain itself during those times when nutrition is lean. Like Ranger school where you get one MRE a day.

I am willing to bet that the rise in the obesity rates in the military, except for the Navy, is due not to guys getting fat but rather to them packing on some muscles, so while they may technically be classified as overweight once the BMI test is done they are cleared.

I wish Moochelle would devote her activities to those 1 in 5 civilians who are obese and leave the military alone.

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6 Responses to “Queen Michelle Goes To War Against Those Fatsos In The Military”

  1. Mark on 9/09/12 at 3:40 pm

    The First Cow needs to lose about 75 pounds herself before sticking her big nose into what other people eat. Don’t they have any mirrors in the White House?

  2. Blue Hen on 9/09/12 at 5:32 pm

    Is is possible to gain and keep weight in the military? Yes. I was able to do that, at times. Is this a real problem in forward deployments, especially the ones in the extreme heat? I doubt it. Another fun fact: Minorities are holding many rear echelon roles. There’s where there’s a chance to be on weight control restrictions. Does anyone think that Queen Michele is going to be blasting the REMFs in that case? I doubt it.

  3. shirley elizabeth on 9/09/12 at 7:15 pm

    A friend of mine was serving in the Marines – as a MEDIC – when they decided to slim down the ranks (due to $ cuts) by dropping anyone that wasn’t slim enough. So since he could not lose weight, being a diabetic and not overweight in the first place, this willing, talented medical officer cannot serve.

  4. SpideyTerry on 10/10/12 at 3:47 pm

    I’m guessing she’s just reacting to the fact that she can no longer fit in the Millennium Falcon cockpit.

  5. cali on 11/11/12 at 7:42 am

    Wookie need togo to hell! Who cares what she thinks – take a look at herweight, and her backside. She needw to work on her own weight!
    This is one domineering, and controlling, angry biatch! She just irritades me to no ends.