“Oh Jesus!” “Joe Biden’s here?” “Oh my God, oh, my God!”

Posted by on Oct 24, 2012 at 1:00 pm

Joe Biden, rock star of the octogenarian set. This, apparently, is what qualifies as “journalism” at something called the Politico.

Given the reception Vice President Joe Biden received at a field office here Tuesday, it’s a wonder that he and the president are not faring better in the polls with seniors. It’s clear that Biden, at least, appears to be faring well with senior ladies.

Biden walked in for the surprise visit carrying a stack of large pizzas for the 80 or so volunteers – mostly women over 50 – who were gathered there, phone banking. The shrieks began within seconds: “Oh Jesus!” “Joe Biden’s here?” “Oh my God, oh, my God!”

The shrieks. The man is John, Paul, George and Ringo all wrapped up in one bald, babbling idiot, but the old guy smell apparently drives the women into convulsions.

Again, this is real journalism (cough, cough), not The Onion.

“Oh Lord, please don’t let me faint,” Patrice Toliver said, a phone to her ear. She was in the middle of speaking with a voter, and was frantically trying to explain what was happening. “He’s coming into headquarters right now!” she exclaimed.

As Biden came closer, she abruptly hung up on the voter and stood still and silent and wide-eyed, seemingly shell-shocked.

Sorry for actually impugning the fine reputation of The Onion. This crap isn’t qualified for a middle school newspaper.

Biden then began working the room, taking pictures, giving hugs, shaking hands, stroking faces.

“He grabbed me passionately and thrust his tongue down my throat. I melted in his embrace, swearing to myself I must have this man now, Toliver gasped. I had to have him inside me.”

I made that last part up, but really, is it a stretch the way this is written?

“He’s so freakin’ personable!” said 74-year-old Ellen Wallace as she watched him greet people. “It’s unbelievable. He’s just a magnet.”

One woman approached him and without so much as a hello, gushed, “I have a cup o’ Joe every morning.” This reporter could not hear his reply, but a colleague insisted that Biden then experienced a rare moment of speechlessness.

A small blessing.

6 Responses to ““Oh Jesus!” “Joe Biden’s here?” “Oh my God, oh, my God!””

  1. johninma on 24/24/12 at 5:03 pm

    Isn’t Politico essentially read why Beltway folks? That audience would possibly appreciate such ‘reporting’.

  2. ClydeS on 24/24/12 at 5:09 pm

    They’re probably old groupies of the Joe Biden Band. I’m surprised they weren’t singing the lyrics of “Sister-in-Law”!

  3. CitizenEgg on 24/24/12 at 5:19 pm

    Imagine the 2016 primaries with Joe Biden, Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama. That’s gonna be awkward. Amazingly entertaining, but awkward nonetheless.