This one’s hilarious. In an effort to prop up the failed president, a new poll shows that if 90 million people who are unlikely to vote actually show up to vote, then Obama wins going away. It also revealed if you get all the Power Ball numbers right tonight, chances are significantly higher you’ll have the winning ticket.
They could turn a too-close-to-call race into a landslide for President Obama— but by definition they probably won’t.
Call them the unlikely voters.
A nationwide USA TODAY/Suffolk University Poll of people who are eligible to vote but aren’t likely to do so finds that these stay-at-home Americans back Obama’s re-election over Republican Mitt Romney by more than 2-1. Two-thirds of them say they are registered to vote. Eight in 10 say the government plays an important role in their lives.
But because Obama is a colossally miserable failure, they won’t be showing up, even if Joe Biden promises they’ll be enslaved by evil corporate raider Mitt Romney and the pretty boy from Wisconsin.
Even so, they cite a range of reasons for declaring they won’t vote or saying the odds are no better than 50-50 that they will: They’re too busy. They aren’t excited about either candidate. Their vote doesn’t really matter. And nothing ever gets done, anyway.
They don’t have a job, but they’re, ahem, too busy to show up. Clearly, “too busy” is now racially-coded language. Someone get the Southern Poverty Law Center on the hotline.
“I don’t think Obama helped us as much as he promised,” says John Harrington, 52, a heavy-equipment operator from Farmington, Minn., who was among those surveyed. Since 2008, when Harrington voted for Obama, the financial downturn has forced him to sell his home in Arizona, move to Minnesota to be near a daughter and put him on the road to Nebraska, North Dakota and Iowa to find work.
His wife “loves” Obama and is sure to vote in November, but he’s not certain whether he’ll get there this time.
If my wife “loved” Obama I’d probably be wandering America myself just looking to get away from her.
In further bad news, or possibly good news depending where you sit, only 39% of Americans could identify the imbecile vice president.
Many of these unlikely voters are suspicious of and disconnected from politics. In the survey, six in 10 say they don’t pay attention to politics because “nothing ever gets done”; 54% call politics “corrupt.” Only 39% could correctly name the vice president, Joe Biden. (By contrast, a Pew Research Center poll in 2010 found 59% of American adults could name the vice president.)
Coming soon: Proposals from Democrats to make voting compulsory. Believe me, Obama would sign an executive order mandating voting for him if he could, once he hears this news:
“There’s this pool of people that Barack Obama doesn’t even need to persuade,” says David Paleologos, director of the Suffolk University Political Research Center, which took the survey. “All he needs to do is find them and identify them and get them to the polls. It’s like a treasure chest. But the bad news is that the treasure chest is locked. …
Well, what does it say then if these people allegedly support him but won’t show up?
“You’ve got this overriding sense of bitterness and people who have been beaten down by the economy and the negativity and the lack of trust, and that’s the key that Obama can’t find. And he’s running out of time.”
We’re counting down the hours.
In more bad news for Team SCOAMF, three-quarters of Americans aren’t buying their hysteria about voter ID laws, even though a segment of the population is apparently too stupid or lazy to even fill out a simple form.
The process of registering to vote doesn’t seem to present a major obstacle. Two-thirds say registering is easy and can be done pretty quickly; 16% say it takes too much time and is too complicated. The new wave of voter ID laws, which experts predict may reduce turnout a bit, doesn’t seem to be an issue: 75% support requiring citizens to show a photo ID before voting.