Hard-Hitting NY Times Investigation Determines Paul Ryan Needs a Tailor

Posted by on Aug 16, 2012 at 6:52 am

Apparently they’re not excited about the crease in his pants. Unable to come up with a policy “gotcha” on GOP VP candidate Paul Ryan, it’s time to apply some fashion sense and ridicule the clothes he wears.

Yes, really.

SO far, the Mitt RomneyPaul Ryan ticket has been given the approval rating typically reserved for a Hollywood bromance in the dead of August. Two thumbs up for the cute Republican dudes!

The man from Janesville, Wis., was hoisted onto the love pedestal, a nerd suddenly out of his loafers and into the sex dreams of Republicans, who apparently, unlike Democrats, need this kind of thing. The Web site Politico worked up a complete Ryan hot sheet, noting his “dreamy bedroom eyes” and “buff” body, while TMZ, brandishing a photo of the congressman and his trainer, called him “the hottest vice-presidential candidate ever.”

Yeah, I may have developed a bit of a mancrush on Ryan, but nothing sexual.

But one thing bugged me about Mr. Ryan’s appearance on the day of the announcement in Virginia, on the symbolic deck of a battleship. He had on a blazer with an open-neck shirt and dark trousers; Mr. Romney was in his familiar shirt sleeves and a tie. Polished but relaxed. Yet if Mr. Ryan was chosen to bring youth and vigor and a kind of Ayn Rand boldness to the G.O.P., as the commentators kept saying, then his jacket was killing it.

So much for his lethal six-pack. He was swimming in his coat, like Tom Hanks in “Big” when he becomes a kid again.

I asked my colleague Bruce Pask, the men’s fashion editor of T: The New York Times Style Magazine, for his thoughts on Mr. Ryan’s sizing problem. In an e-mail, he said: “Like many American suit wearers, I think he suffers from the misconception that the size a guy wears directly correlates with his masculinity. In their minds, being a 42 is more manly than a 40. And yet what actually happens when a guy wears something too big is the obvious: he looks smaller, dwarfed by shoulders that are too big, a shirt collar that is too roomy, lapels that are too wide.”

Even casually, guys should really avoid that baggy look. You know what I mean? Like mom jeans. Avoid them whatever you do. And never, never look like a total dork. Your image will never recover.

The Washington Post, famous for Watergate reporting, now also brings us an in-depth look on what Ryan is wearing. They have no idea what his policies are all about, but sure can ridicule what he wears. Whatever it takes in the media jihad, I guess.

But Ryan (Wis.) appeared rumpled, slightly sloppy for a vice-presidential candidate. As if he’d flown in hours before and mistakenly picked up someone else’s suitcase. His pants sagged at his ankles. His starched, white shirt bunched at his stomach. His dark jacket drooped, better suited for a man of the cloth than a man on a presidential ticket.

Ryan, a high-ranking House Republican, known as a stickler for numbers and a devotee of hard-core workouts, seemed oddly unconcerned about the clothes he wore during the most important announcement of his political career. How could a fitness buff with 6 to 8 percent body fat wear a suit that looked two sizes too big?

Oddly unconcerned. In other words, he doesn’t give a shit what they think. He could come out in a tank top and gym shorts for all I care. We’re facing fiscal calamity and he might be able to help. That’s all most of us care about.

You know what these folks want? Ryan to be made over with $5,000 suits and a slicked back hair so they can drum up some new outrage. Sound familiar?

In Ryan’s case, styling himself as a baggy-suited newcomer aligned with the party’s conservatives may be a wise strategy for the campaign. And it may steer Ryan away from the disaster that accompanied Sarah Palin’s 2008 wardrobe scandal, when financial disclosure records revealed that the Republican National Committee spent more than $150,000 on her clothing — which occurred after Lisa A. Kline was hired to handle Palin’s campaign makeover.

It’s clearly a sign of media desperation that they’ll sink to such childish antics already. You know if Ryan came out looking like a model they’d find fault with it and wonder why he’s not your Casual Joe from Wisconsin. If he even bothers to read this drivel–and he doesn’t strike me as someone who gives a rat’s ass what the media thinks–he must be left chuckling.


5 Responses to “Hard-Hitting NY Times Investigation Determines Paul Ryan Needs a Tailor”

  1. Reno_Dave on 16/16/12 at 11:18 am

    I only now noticed another dorky thing Obama is doing while riding that bike:

    He’s pedaling wrong.

    The pedals are under the arches of his feet, not the balls of his feet. Only dorks pedal that way.

    Someone should have raised his seat another inch or two, and showed him how to properly pedal before sending him out, and at the very least, they should have put him in shorts.

  2. Graham Davis on 16/16/12 at 7:08 pm

    A ‘well tailored’ story for their lightweight subscribers. The next installment will likely focus on ‘feeeeeeeeeeeeeeelings’!

  3. Big E on 17/17/12 at 2:22 pm

    “The man from Janesville, Wis., was hoisted onto the love pedestal, a nerd suddenly out of his loafers and into the sex dreams of Republicans, who apparently, unlike Democrats, need this kind of thing.”

    Wait a minute here. I’ve been reliably told that there are no female or gay Republicans so whose sex dreams exactly has Ryan jumped into? I guess they are saying that Republicans are all repressed homosexuals? My mind reels, it’s almost like liberals are hopelessly full of shit and will say anything without even knowing that what they are saying goes against what they were just saying like 10 minutes ago. Also, but from what I’ve seen and read Republicans are going to really have to kick the lusting after Ryan into high gear to even come close to the panty tossing, hero worship accorded Obama just 4 short years ago. Not to mention Bill Clinton. Yeah, NYTimes why don’t you give me a call when Ann Coulter offers to blow Paul Ryan for overturning Obamacare. Then we can talk about who exactly it is that “need this kind of thing.”

  4. Blue Hen on 17/17/12 at 3:17 pm

    Wow. Just wow. So where are the moonbats to defend the professional media and attack “faux” news?