Drunken Woman Punches and Rubs Her Butt on $30M Painting, Then Collapses in Puddle of Her Own Urine

Posted by on Jan 05, 2012 at 2:39 pm

The story doesn’t mention it, but I’d lay money this mutant is a graduate of the Occupy Denver movement.

A drunk Colorado woman punched an iconic $30 million painting and rubbed her bare buttocks on the artwork before collapsing in a heap and urinating on herself at a museum, the Denver Post reported.

Officials at the Clyfford Still Museum estimated that the vandal caused about $10,000 worth of damage to the painting, Still’s abstract expressionist masterpiece, 1957-J-No. 2.

“It doesn’t appear she urinated on the painting or that the urine damaged it, so she’s not being charged with that,” Denver District Attorney spokeswoman Lynn Kimbrough told the Post.

Well that’s a relief. She didn’t actually pee on the painting, just herself. She apparently has some standards. I’m thinking if you slip some glasses on her she could pass for Janeane Garofalo. She seems to exude all the same charm.

Authorities say Carmen Tisch, 36, of Denver, was plastered when she punched and slid her bare bum against the nearly 10-foot-tall, 13-foot wide painting at 3:30 p.m. Dec. 29.

Officers told the Post that the work was scratched, but museum officials wouldn’t go into specifics about the damage.

Ivar Zeile, owner of Plus Gallery in Denver, said that even if the painting wasn’t seriously damaged, its value would plummet simply because it came in contact with Tisch’s tush.

“It does damage the piece, though, even people just knowing that happened,” he said.

From the Denver post link, you’ll note she’s got herself a nice record of mayhem.

Court records show that Tisch was arrested a year ago on an armed robbery charge in Glendale. She was freed on $50,000 bond, then the charge was dropped on Dec. 16.

She pleaded guilty to driving under the influence of alcohol in Lakewood in 2008 and received fines, 48 hours of a community service, a 30-day suspended jail sentence and 18 months probation, records show.

Maybe when she’s back out on the streets she should consider taking a dump on canvas  and calling it concept art. An NEA grant would surely follow.

12 Responses to “Drunken Woman Punches and Rubs Her Butt on $30M Painting, Then Collapses in Puddle of Her Own Urine”

  1. Decaf on 5/05/12 at 3:14 pm

    Hey, let’s not be hasty condemning this woman, going by what passes for art these days she may have improved it.

  2. fb on 5/05/12 at 5:26 pm

    She was making her own form of artistic criticism, she’s just too meta for the rest of us numbskulls to grok. The price of this painting just went up.

  3. on 5/05/12 at 5:42 pm

    I thought soaking something in urine or feces was considered art. IIRC, “Piss Christ” and “The Virgin Mary in Elephant Dung” were praised. I guess it has to be a Christian religious icon in order to be tasteful art.

  4. Coffee-Addled Mind on 5/05/12 at 7:58 pm

    There was an artist in the late 90s that (I swear I am not making this up) canned his own poo and sold them as art.

  5. Mr BeanWhistlersMother on 6/06/12 at 9:03 pm

    I disagree with the idea the value of this painting has diminished. Quite the opposite! The painting is now famous whereas it was an unknown before this episode. Who the hell ever heard of this thing before this?

    After looking at the painting,I can’t but help believe that contact with buttocks could do it any harm anyway.

    Perhaps Carmen could hook up with Ozzy for a trip to the Alamo next time around,or talk him into a museum outing. Whichever.