Those Crazy Amish Terrorists Are at it Again

Posted by on Nov 23, 2011 at 5:29 pm

There used to be a running gag that the Amish were suspected whenever the media would be hesitant to note another terrorist attack was indeed perpetrated by Muslims. But lo and behold, don’t you know there indeed are Amish terrorists, according to this report.

The leader of a splinter Amish sect and six followers were charged Wednesday with conspiracy to commit federal hate crimes and accused of cutting the beards of Amish men over religious disagreements.

So cutting hair is now a federal hate crime? Apparently so, and there’s a ring run by the ironically-named Samuel Mullet Sr.

Authorities arrested Samuel Mullet Sr., three of his sons and three other followers in the pre-dawn hours at their homes in rural Jefferson County. Law enforcement officials also searched Mullet’s home in Bergholz, a town where he leads a community that some say has become a cult.

Mullet, 66, forced wayward followers to sleep in chicken coops for days at a time and took married women in his community into his home to “cleanse them of the devil with acts of sexual intimacy,” according to an FBI affidavit (pdf) filed Wednesday. No decisions were made in Mullet’s community without seeking his permission, the affidavit said.

Sleeping in chicken coops and weird sexual rituals? Heck, this stuff goes on at “Occupy” encampments nightly. Where’s the FBI?

“You’ve got Amish all over the state of Ohio, Pennsylvania and Indiana that are concerned,” said Jefferson County Sheriff Fred Abdalla. “We’ve received hundreds and hundreds of calls from people living in fear. They are buying Mace. Some are sitting with shotguns. They’re putting locks on their doors — because of Sam Mullet.”

Mullet and the six others were to appear in U.S. District Court in Youngstown. U.S. Attorney Steven Dettelbach called the attacks “religiously motivated,” and he stressed that “no one in this nation or in this community” has the right to assault anyone based on religious beliefs.


3 Responses to “Those Crazy Amish Terrorists Are at it Again”

  1. rich b on 23/23/11 at 10:08 pm

    I’m sure the security screeners working at all the airports will now be targeting the Amish after this. We can all feel safer for that.

    …. or do the Amish even fly?

  2. Casey on 24/24/11 at 9:29 pm

    Only when they flap their arms, Rich! {badda-boom}

    Q: What do you call the following:
    “Clop, clop, clop, clop … BANG! BANG! BANG! Clippy-clop! Clippy-clop! Clippy-clop! ”

    A: An Amish drive-by.

    You’re welcome. I’ll be here all week.